choices
by shel
Summary: phoebe's made a choice concerning the angel of death....


CHARMED

**"Choices"**

by shel

© october 2004

_disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating: pg-13_

_summary: phoebe's made a choice concerning the angel of death…_

_timeline: late evening of the final events of season 7's, 'styx feet under'…_

_archive: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes: had to listen to the muse and interrupt 'when the past comes back to love you' to get this down on paper (so to speak)…please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

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"No one has ever summoned me like this," the Angel of Death coldly informed Phoebe when he appeared in the chalked circle on the attic floor.

"Then thank you," she quietly said. "I know how important it is for you to stay on schedule. I just…"

He waited patiently for only a moment before clearing his throat.

Phoebe blinked and realized her mind had wandered again. "Sorry." She turned from him and stared out the window to the dark street below. She'd made her decision and called him, it was time to follow through. "I want to join you."

"Excuse me?"

She chuckled somberly and faced him again. "I want to join you," she calmly repeated.

Suddenly interested, he mused, "You did not have to summon me, then. You fought so valiantly against my yesterday. You now wish to die?"

She took a moment before shaking her head, "I told Piper I didn't and I don't. But I think…I've spent all day thinking and…Maybe there's a reason I've felt like I haven't been helping anyone with my column. What Piper was doing with you yesterday…How important it was. Maybe that's what I should be doing, bringing people to the other side. Y'know reassuring them in those few moments of being in-between life and the afterlife. It'd be easier for everyone I think."

"By everyone, you mean your sisters." When Phoebe nodded, he stepped from the circle and approached her, "You realize by becoming an assistant, you will die." Again she nodded so he stretched his arm toward her and made a grabbing motion with his hand. As he did, Phoebe's body crumpled to the floor.

Phoebe's soul separated from her body and she looked back down at her physical form before looking back at him, "Piper told us about it but maybe you could go over some of the specifics with me?"

"Very well. Come." The Angel of Death created a misty portal, led her into it, and they vanished from the attic.

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"I'm telling you," Paige insisted to Piper as they climbed the stairs to the attic, "we need to do something about her. Phoebe just left the stove a mess. What if the kids were older?"

Piper sighed, "Maybe this sabbatical wasn't such a great idea. She seems more confused and scatter-brained than before she took a break."

"She and Leslie never even had a real date," Paige grumbled, "just one night of sex so I really don't get what her problem is with him. And what happened to wanting to find the father of her baby? Why can't she make up her mind?"

"Phoebe's always had commitment issues," Piper told her as they reached the closed door, "and if she feels pressured or pushed, she runs. Maybe she needs more of an intervention from us."

"What's this?" Paige pointed to a sheet of notebook paper taped to the door.

"Spell in progress, don't enter," Piper read. "What's she up to?" she questioned before knocking. "Phoebe, what're you doing?"

When there was no response, Paige called out, "C'mon, we just wanna talk to you." But when there was still no response, she shrugged to her older sister, "What now?"

"I guess we wait 'til later to talk to her," Piper replied as she turned from the door. "She can run but she can't hide." Just then Leo orbed next to them and Piper paled when she saw his face. She spun back to the door and rattled the locked handle, "Phoebe! Open up! Now!"

Paige grabbed her sister's hand and orbed into the room.

Leo stood back while the sisters rushed to Phoebe's body. "It's too late," he sadly told them. "She's gone."

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"Piper," Paige quietly spoke when she entered the attic, "it's three in the morning, you need to get some sleep before Chris wakes up for his early morning feeding."

Piper glanced up to her younger sister but didn't say anything. Instead, she focused on Phoebe, whose head rested in her lap, and brushed aside some of Phoebe's bangs. "I don't understand," she uttered in a hoarse voice. "Why? She wasn't on the list."

"She was," Paige reminded her. "Maybe her spot in the order got changed. But you know better than anyone that you can't run from Death."

"No," Piper shook her head, "I don't believe that. Her name was only on the list 'cuz of the demon and that changed when he killed you instead. The angel would've told us if she was still on the list after she traded the demon's dead soul for yours."

"I don't know, sweetie," Paige stifled a yawn as she knelt next to Piper and stroked Piper's hair, "but we need to rest if we're gonna deal with preparations in the morning."

"We can't," Piper sniffled, leaning into her sister's arm, "until we know where she is. When I called Grams to find out how Phoebe was, she was in shock and Leo has no idea either. How do we even begin scry for whatever demon did this?"

"If it was a demon," Paige whispered.

Piper stiffened and frowned, "Wha'd'you mean?"

Paige shook her head, "Nothing." She gently lifted Phoebe's head from Piper's lap and placed it on the floor. Looking down at Phoebe, she added, "We'll call your dad in the morning and maybe Darryl will help. I know things're still strained with us but he might be able to help with the paperwork like he did…like he did with Prue."

"No," Piper angrily resisted, "not until you explain. If a demon didn't kill Phoebe then who did?"

"Phoebe," Paige reluctantly suggested. When Piper's mouth dropped open, she quickly added, "Not on purpose, Piper, Phoebe would never do something like that but…"

"But?" Piper practically growled.

Paige bit her bottom lip, "You saw the sign on the door. She was working alone and didn't want us to know about it. When was the last time any of us put up a warning sign? What if something went wrong with whatever she was doing?"

Piper looked down at Phoebe and collapsed in tears. "Why, Phoebe, why?"

Paige pulled Piper from Phoebe's body and into her arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks, "I just wish I'd had a chance to talk to her, like I had with you when you were Junior Angel of Death. There're so many things I should've told her, should've apologized for. I wasn't terribly supportive of her the past few days."

"And she seemed so down tonight," Piper agreed, "and I didn't make any time for her. I was so busy still being annoyed with her for interfering in my routine, practically blaming her for what I had to do yesterday. What kind of big sister am I?"

"The best kind," Paige assured her, hugging her crying sister even tighter. "She should've come to us," she quietly said.

"We should've made her feel like she could," Piper only cried harder. "What'm I gonna do without her?"

"I don't know," Paige croaked, rocking her older sister back and forth as she heard the distant chime of the grandfather clock.

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"I don't understand," Phoebe questioned the Angel of Death, "what're we doing back in my attic? And why is my body still here? My sisters obviously found me, why'd they just leave me here?"

"You understand I exist outside of space and time," he told her. She nodded and he gazed at her body, tucked comfortably under a blanket on the sofa. "You may have been with me for six months but, at this moment, it is almost dawn of the morning after you summoned me."

"So I've only been dead a few hours," Phoebe realized. She took a step towards the door and stopped.

"You wish to see them."

"Curious, I suppose," she finally said. "I…I avoided watching them, seeing what their lives were like."

"You wonder if they're happy without you, especially now that the Charmed Circle has been broken."

"They're still magical," Phoebe quietly told him, "but maybe they've found a better balance to having a normal life."

"Do you still wish to remain with me?"

Confused, she turned back to him, "I'm dead. There's nothing for me here."

"Mine is a simple job," he advised her. "Retrieve the souls on the list." She nodded but still had a look of confusion and he clarified, "I care nothing for the whys and wherefores of their lives or deaths. I retrieve their souls. That is all."

"But?"

"But I sense conflict within you," he stated, "and am offering you the chance to resolve it."

"What conflict?" she nervously asked. She'd felt at peace these past six months, as if her job mattered. Yet, somehow, she now felt guilty for having done something wrong.

"Your emotions have been…useful," he admitted as if he could sense her thoughts, "in your tasks. But you still lack closure. Therefore, I am giving you the opportunity to make another choice." He saw her struggle to deny his offer and continued, "I will send you one soul. For a brief amount of time, to help you make your choice."

"I'm ready." But she wasn't, not really. One person? Would she be able to open to this one person in a short amount of time? Who would he send? A part of her prayed it would be Prue. The big sister she'd lost more than three years ago. Of course, she'd be just as happy to see her mother. Nothing, however, prepared her for the soul that suddenly appeared before her. "Cole," she whispered.

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"So that's what happened," Phoebe concluded while she watched Cole as he stood, back to her, staring out the attic window at the sunrise.

Cole turned and strode past her to the sofa. He knelt by her body and, with a shaking finger, traced the contour of her cheek.

Her imagination feeling his touch, her hand unconsciously brushed along her own cheek.

"You're not meant to be dead. That's not your destiny." He spun slightly to face her, "You're meant to help innocents."

"You don't know anything about me," she declared, arms crossing her chest. "Nothing about the person I've become."

"Just from hearing about yesterday's events," he stood and approached her, "I know you're confused and feeling alone and unsure about the future and…And I'm sorry for my part in it."

She wrinkled her eyebrows in a frown, "What part? You've been dead for almost two years."

"If I hadn't hurt you like I did," he quietly acknowledged, "you wouldn't be so afraid right now of living. You wouldn't've lost so much of your self-confidence."

"That's not true," she whispered, looking down at the floor, suddenly uncomfortable being so close to him.

He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, "Isn't it?"

"I fell in love after you," she suddenly announced and stepped out of his reach. "With someone completely human."

Cole paused and took in her defiant glare before he honestly commented, "I'm glad you found someone."

He was serious and her shoulders sagged as she confessed, "We lasted about a year."

Unsure if he wanted to know the details, he still asked, "What happened?"

"Magic happened, what else?" she threw her arms up in the air in frustration. "Too many unexplainable events. Too many secrets."

He cast her an amused glance, "You let a year pass without telling him you were a witch?"

Shamefully, she nodded, "It came out in the worst possible way and he needed time to process it all."

"And he couldn't," Cole realized with a hint of anger. "He'll regret it for the rest of his life." Phoebe seemed surprised by his reaction and he explained, "He let you slip away and…" He hesitantly caressed her cheek, "And he hurt you."

Phoebe slowly covered his hand with hers and gave it a slight squeeze. And, against her will, she began to cry and unconsciously leaned toward him.

Cole pulled her into his arms, closed his eyes, and tried not to enjoy having her in his arms again at her expense. "It'll be okay," he quietly comforted.

"I'm just so tired," she replied, her face pressed close to his chest. She tightened her arms around his waist and wished for an eternity in that one moment. She felt Cole's lips brush against her hair and she tilted her head back. Their eyes met for just a moment before her hands quickly framed his face and pulled it down to kiss him.

Both surprised, their kiss still grew more demanding, more urgent, and both began tugging at the other's clothing.

"Wait," Cole uttered when, already shirtless, he suddenly pulled back.

Phoebe froze in a mixture of hurt and confusion. But her eyes widened when Cole turned from her to gently lift her body from the sofa and carry it to one of the side chairs. She smiled softly as he tenderly arranged it and tucked the blanket in around her body. She then walked to the sofa and called his name. When he turned to her, she stretched out her hands to him and he quickly accepted her invitation.

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Phoebe leaned back against Cole and sighed contentedly, "That was…"

"I know," he grinned.

"How was that even possible?" she wondered in amazement. "We're just souls without physical form but that was so, so…"

"Magical," he whispered in her ear before lightly kissing it. "Does it really matter how it happened?"

"No," she decided, "I suppose not." She pulled his arms around her and snuggled back against him, "Thank you. I haven't felt so sure, so right, about anything in a long time but being with you feels so…"

"I know," he murmured before kissing the top of her head. His lips lingered there a moment before he asked, "You ready to give him an answer?"

"The Angel of Death?"

"Is there someone else you owe an answer to?" he teased. But when she didn't respond with even a chuckle, he turned her head slightly to see him, "Phoebe?"

"This Leslie, I mentioned," she quietly began after turning her head back, away from him, "my ghostwriter?" She felt his hesitant kiss to the back of her head and, staring at her body in the chair, continued, "He wants more than to only be my temporary replacement."

She didn't have to say more for him to realize she meant a personal relationship. "And you don't?" he asked as her fingers lightly ran up and down his arms that were still wrapped around her.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I like him, a lot I guess, but I don't think I'm ready right now. Besides, I have still have time, don't I? I mean the premonition won't happen for about another five years. Can't I just get my professional life in order before jumping into another relationship?"

"What premonition?" he questioned with another kiss to the top of her head.

"Some months back. Of me…" Phoebe's voice cracked, "pregnant. Just a glimpse really but I know I was happy."

"And you went a little overboard," he surmised, "trying to make it come true." She twisted in order to face him and he chuckled from her look of surprise. "It's a pattern with you Halliwells." Now she glared at him and he kissed the tip of her nose, "An admirable trait…most of the time."

She lightly slapped his arm and twisted back to her original position, arms now crossed in annoyance.

He chuckled again, "So, what's with this Leslie? Is he a good person, funny…attractive?" She nodded and he tightened his arms around her waist, "So, what's wrong with him?"

"He isn't…"

"Isn't what?" he asked when she stiffened and sat up straight. Surprised, he sat up behind her, "Phoebe? He isn't what?"

"You," she whispered before she began to cry, "He isn't you…"

Cole leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "Thank you."

She suddenly twisted back around and desperately pulled him close to her, claiming his lips with hers once more.

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"Have you decided?" the Angel of Death asked when he appeared before Phoebe and Cole in the attic.

Phoebe paused from buttoning Cole's shirt and glanced up at him. After he placed a light kiss on her forehead, she gazed into his eyes and found the reassurance she needed to answer, "Yes, I have."

"Then it's time," he told them.

Cole held Phoebe's hands before he brought them to his lips, "You brought light and truth into my dark world and I'm sorry for stumbling and failing when I only wanted --"

"I know," she interrupted with a sad smile, "and I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with the security and love you needed."

He shook his head and squeezed her hands, "You gave me more than I ever dreamed, more than I ever deserved, and I will be eternally grateful."

She tugged her hands free before caressing his cheek with her right hand, "I know what you were trying to overcome and I am so thankful to you for the time we did have. For the good you did, for the light you brought into my life. And I remember the good now. I do. And…I love you, Cole, even now, after all the pain and anger, I still love you."

"Thank you," he whispered, pulling her into his arms for one last kiss. "I will love you forever."

And, while they gazed at one another, the angel motioned with his hand and Cole faded away in wisps of smoke.

Phoebe kept her eyes on that spot and, before she could turn back to the angel, she was startled by the creak of the door.

"Phoebe?" Piper gasped when she, Paige, and Leo entered the room. She ran forward but stopped short when she realized who was with Phoebe. "No," she cried as Paige quickly rushed to her side, "you can't have her. It's not her time."

"It is if she chooses it to be," the Angel of Death informed her.

"Well she doesn't," Paige retorted, "so just go back to your list and leave us alone for the next several decades."

"Paige…" Leo cautioned. "What happened, Phoebe? Was it a demon, a backfire?"

Phoebe shook her head, "I summoned him. I wanted to work with him. Just like you did, Piper." Both sisters' mouths fell open and she tried to explain, "I've been feeling so lost lately, without purpose, and I thought --"

"What? That dying would give you purpose?" Piper suddenly spat. "Do you have any idea what I've been going through? Or have you forgotten what it felt like losing Prue?"

"Of course not," Phoebe snapped. "I didn't do this to hurt you or inconvenience you."

"What about your column?" Leo questioned, stepping between the sisters. "Didn't you think you were helping people with your advice?"

"For a while," she replied as she finally focused on him. "But lately my advice seemed stale, almost forced, like I was going through the motions. I wasn't feeling and I don't think that had anything to do with the loss of my powers."

"Which you're starting to get back," he reminded her, "with yesterday's premonition. They must've felt you've found your center again. Do you really want to give it all up now?"

"Maybe," she shrugged. "I'm just so tired of trying to keep it all together for everyone else. And this…job…suits me and it's important. I comfort people, their souls, help them adjust, as they move on to the next stage of their lives."

"So to speak," Paige murmured. "Why didn't you trust us enough to confide in us?"

"We're your sisters," Piper chastised, "and you should've come to us."

"When?" Phoebe sadly countered. "You've been trying to balance the kids and the club and," she pointed to Paige, "you're always busy with Magic School, and Leo's on a vengeance kick when he's not hiding from the Elders. Besides, you'd just think it's the same old problems with Phoebe so why bother, right?"

"Wrong!" Piper snapped.

"Give me a break," Phoebe sighed, "for days the two of you have been on my case. Maybe you guys have been a little more stressed out lately but I just…I needed a break."

"Which is at an end," the angel reminded her. "Your decision…"

Phoebe glanced at both angered sisters and turned back to him, "I think I'll stay here for a while longer."

"So be it," he declared before he motioned with his hand and sent her soul back into her body.

The sisters watched with relief as Phoebe stirred but Leo reached her first and helped her stand.

"One question," Phoebe asked the angel in a hoarse voice, "if you exist outside space and time, why were you so bent out of shape yesterday about staying on schedule."

"I'll explain it…someday," he replied with what could almost have been considered a smile.

"Yeah, well," Piper uttered, possessively throwing her arm around Phoebe's shoulder, "not today, pal."

Paige threw her own arm around Phoebe's other shoulder and emphatically added, "Not for a great many todays. Like years."

"Piper," he acknowledged with a curt nod. "Paige, I suggest you refrain from casting any more protection spells." He nodded to Leo and focused on Phoebe, "The choice will be yours again. When the time comes."

"For someone who cares nothing for the whys and wherefores…" Impulsively, she approached him and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Thank you…for everything..."

"I will see you again," he promised, unaffected by her action, as he began to fade. "As will he…" his voice echoed.

"As will who?" Paige questioned when Phoebe remained staring at the empty spot.

Phoebe slowly turned to face her and, with a smile, merely said, "Someone…special."

Piper hesitated before asking, "Are you okay?"

Phoebe nodded and pulled both sisters into a hug. "I love you both," she whispered. "Now," she added as she stepped back, "how about some breakfast? All that dying and undying's gotten me hungry." Without waiting for an answer, she strode from the room.

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen," Paige grinned, "Phoebe's back."

Piper hugged her and smiled in relief, "Where she belongs."

"Are you okay?" Leo asked the sisters. "You've been through so much and you didn't really resolve anything with Phoebe."

"I know," Piper nodded, "but right now all I want is to celebrate that both my sisters are alive and well."

Paige hugged her older sister, "We're sisters and we'll work it out. Now let's get to the kitchen before Phoebe eats all the leftover muffins."

And, as they left the attic, no one noticed the Book of Shadows's triquetra glowing brightly, almost proudly, in the pale light of dawn.

_the end…_


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